This week has been an interesting one as always....Apparently I have more siblings than the Jackson 5 as I've been repeatedly referred to as "Brother" everytime I'm spoken to at work. I suppose I've been called a lot worse in my time so I can't complain. Anyways, going about my business in the mean streets of Sydney I managed to find some common ground with a fellow ethnic minority. My new found found friend who I shall refer to as "milk choc ice" claims to be "black on the inside" and tanned on the outside.....seeing as he was an albino asian man I beg to differ. This encounter left me highly amused and confused at the same time time...something I haven't experienced since I first discovered white women with ass. The conversation got worse as I was told to "Stay Black" my brother and to "Take It Easy". "Stay Black"?!?!?!?.....As if I can turn a different shade each day of the week? He must think all black people are really "coloured".....Don't get me started on that conversation....smh!!!
Moving swiftly on to "comparisons corner" where I have been referred to as so many high profile celebrities that include Barack Obama (Drunk tuk tuk driver in Thailand), Usher (Delirious and slightly hot scottish girls in vietnam) and now Akon (cue my cousin Jacob laughing in hysterics lol) by a young girl who was barely out of her training bra yet she knows all of the lyrics to "Smack That"........God help her!!!
Speaking of the lord, I have now found the most happening place in the city....(drum roll please...suspense builds)....CHURCH!!! Girls flocking everywhere....big mamas, short sisters, skin minnies...you name it...they got it!!! The best thing about it is that they are all "good girls" and I'm not talking about the "good girls" you meet on a night out who have ever been caught with their pants down, i'm talking about good girls who don't drink alcohol, don't smoke and are in bed by 9.00pm (preferably mine!)....the words "wifey material" springs to mind. Casually "pimpin' by the pulpit" I met the future Mrs Forde....of July 2012 where we discussed where i'm from, my accent and when I found Jesus. I told her I've been dodging his presence for a while but he hasn't given up the search! Stay tuned for more tales of the transformation of "Clint The Pimp" to "Pastor Forde" (Got a nice ring to it).
As bad as it sounds I'm starting to miss my soap operas from the UK. The likes of Hollyoaks and Eastenders have now been replaced by old re-runs of Desperate Housewives (yawn) and "The Shire" (Australia's version of TOWIE). It seems where entertainment is concerned Sydney have a different formula to the rest of the world. On my way to window gazing at all the extorniate overpriced clothes through "World Square Shopping Centre" I stumbled across a group of guys in their late 30's "busking for rent" as they put it. Now I don't know about you but I don't think begging for money with a fresh pair of vans on, apple macs and thousands of dollars worth of studio equipment is really going to pull on the heart strings of the australian public....I could be wrong?!?
Anyways, I'll leave you with this thought...as you tuck into your Sunday dinners with all the trimmings I hope you appreciate all the things that important people in your life do for you because believe me you "don't know what you have until it's gone". With that being said, hand on heart I can honestly say......I miss you Island Spice Caribbean Cuisine Takeaway....Come visit me soon......and bring food!!! xoxoxo
Forde Esq.
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