It seems my underdying infatuation for Australia is slowly dying out and turning into a love/hate affair if this weeks events has anything to go by.
I start off with employment which has definitely taken a turn for the worse. In the past 2 days my career in hospitality has nose dived into non existence with me losing out on 3 jobs / job opportunities in quick succession. Lines or excuses that were used in these instances included "This isn't the right career path for you" and "My face doesn't fit what were they were looking for"....and not to forget the classic "It's just not working out is it"......I'm sure if I had hung on any longer I would of heard something like "It's not you it's me" which goes without saying to be the most common break up line known to man....ah well...they can't keep a good man down I suppose.
On the next one like jigga man would say...which leads me onto discovering this Beyonce lookalike of my dreams or shall I say nightmares by the end of our very brief encounter. **Brothers can I get a soul clap please**....Ladies, when you step out into this beautiful world that we live in and have your "assets" on show please don't be offended if a guy fails to make eye contact with you...you obviously got taught about the "birds and the bees" especially since your pushing a baby stroller around so please wind that neck in and take it as a compliment. Once "B" (which I'm only referring to her as this due to her tendency to "bark" orders at me) clocked onto what I was observing she decided to turn nasty and try and cuss me out...but what she failed to realise was that her hench foot camel toes were to big for her dainty size 4 flip flops which ended in her tripping up and head butting her pram revealing "half" of her "worldy goods" for the men and women to see at the bus stop.....HAHAHAHAHA....In Yo' Face!!!! Thanks for show love!!!
Back to church and since they had no evening service I had to struggle (and I mean struggle) to get up out of bed early to attend the morning service...talk about your dedication. After missing out on my normal seating place I was forced to sit next to the "Psycho Sister aka Church Try Hard" who was carrying on like a lunatic in "the name of Jesus"...apparently!!! Clapping off beat and crying out randomly to the lord is probably not the best way to get the big mans attention and a routine I will not be practising......."Excuse me which way is the bathroom?!?" After that timeout and genuine toilet break I ended up sitting next to a guy who spent the rest of the service on the phone making calls to babymother(s), clients and pretty sure domino's pizza unless getting a slice of the hot stuff with those things I like was some sort of sexual innuendo....I'll let you be the judge.
As for the clubbing scene, I may have been put onto a winner (thanks Nicole) from Saturday's result. $20 entry fee for your best rnb and hip hop music from around the globe. The only downside to it was everybody looked like they got dressed in the dark. Guys wearing jeans that professor klump would describe as baggy along with G-Unit tanktops that could be mistaken for bra's....two words..."not pimpin'" springs to mind...where's the fashion police when you need them! Don't even get me started on the ladies as some of them were looked like they escaped from Steve Irwin's zoo....I'm sure Gorilla's and Tasmanian devils belong in the jungle right?!?
Leading swiftly onto the start of the week where I made a rare venture out on a Monday night to Side Bar which for me ended early...no I wasn't wasted....no I didn't score (say what!)....I was just tired and fell asleep in the corner of the bar and got woken up by a bouncer who's last words were "I think you've had enough mate".....yeah I've had enough of this place mate...I'm outta here!!!
Yesterday saw my australian radio career step up a gear as I got to record my first advert.....(woo hoo!) Sitting there minding my business in the music library I got "the call" to come into the studio and record a couple of voice overs for acts I probably won't ever get to meet or listen to but they now have the privlege of having my voice promote their work (lucky them!). To top things off the sales manager came in and said that I had a "voice for a radio" which I guess is a step up from having a "face for radio" so I will take my "props" where I can get them...thank you very much!!!
I know I'm losing you now so I'll keep my ending short and sweet...my wise words for this week are......wait for it......"Don't give up".......on that your career path, on that car you want, on that holiday you've been planning, on that girl / guy you've been texting.....the list is endless. As long as you want it hard enough keep pursuing your dreams....The wait will be worth it!!!
Enjoy the rest of your week people
Over and Out
Forde Esq.
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